Alright I'm back...

I've been gone for so very very long but now I'm back from outer space (sorry couldn't help myself!). Alright so in the time I've been gone, I haven't touched my book (it pains me to admit), I've had a baby and managed to keep him alive for over 2 months now (go for 3! I should be given an award or something), and I've been off work long enough to come to the conclusion that I'm a great stay at home mom and if only Chris made more money I could totally do this for the rest of my life!

But as I do not have that option I must go back to work on Thursday...in 2 days...and it sucks. And you know the suckiest part...I'm going to get to work and people are going to ask, "Hey are you glad to be back?!" NOOOOOO! Why would you even ask me that?! Yes I want to be back here taking verbal beatings for a living as opposed to at home caring for and playing with my precious son.

But on the upside I'm going part time in January, though I'll still be working full time hours. I just need more flexibility in my schedule. Hopefully we'll be able to reduce and streamline our budget and I'll be able to work the minimum amount of hours soon. As with everything, we'll just have to see.

I wish had some awesome job that I could do completely from home, that would be awesome. Or even having the type of job where I could take Jackson with me to work. I had always wanted to have some kind of shop. The type where I could be behind the counter (with maybe 1 employee) and have Jax in a playpen next to me. Then I could tend to him when needed. But I don't know what kind of shop I would have, nor do I have the money or the ability to get the money to start said shop.

Ugh I'm rambling now...I'll stop before I start losing what few followers I have!

Warm fuzzies, hugs and police work,
Nessa

Quote of the blog: "I rambled all the time. I was just like that, like a rollin' stone." -Muddy Waters

Oh the places we go...

What have I been doing the past 15 weeks that has kept me sooooooo busy? Not a damn productive thing...other than growing a baby. And my how baby has grown! Wish I had a recent belly pic to add to this post but unfortunately I got nothing.

Oh let's run through the resolutions. Have a baby this year, so far this is well under way. Lose weight, a little counterproductive to the aforementioned resolution, so it's been scrapped until after the baby comes! What else have we got? Save money, mmmmm...somewhat, I've gotten better about budgeting, but I need to work on really reigning in the spending and fast! And finally...my book...le sigh.

Oh, book. How I love you and oh how I fail you time and time again. I have not written on it in longer than I care to share. It doesn't help that I see the file everyday and still choose not to open it. It deserves love, focus, and attention. All things I don't have to give it right now. If it was a dog, I'd give it to a loving family. But since I can't do that, it will just have to live on the proverbial back burner in my mind. Sad boo!

I got nothing else, sorry for crappy updates but not like anyone's reading this anyway!

Warm fuzzies, hugs and police work,
Nessa

Quote of the Blog: "The brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past; you can't go forward in life until you let go of your past failures and heartaches." -Unknown

Another Day Another Dollar

I have worked overtime for the first time in who knows how long! I'm going to be beat by the end of the day! But it's been a pretty slow (bad word) day.

I am 12 weeks along today. Much of my anxiety is well under control now. I do have 2 appointments this week. The one set for tomorrow is my regular 12 week appt and the other is set for Thursday for an NT Scan. They will be checking the baby for Tay-Sachs, Sickle Cell, and Downs Syndrome among other chromosomal problems. That will make me a little nervous but I'm sure we'll come out just fine!

I woke up to a little surprise this morning. While I was getting dressed, I realized what all that stretching cramps and hip pain was, the beginning of my baby bump. It's probably a little more pronounced than it would have been on anyone else since I'm rather fluffy to begin with!

Onto my book. I have written the end chapter of it. Yes...I said it. I figured out the end of the story and wrote it. It was quick, it was ruthless and I think it has all the suspense I had planned for it to have! So now I have to figure out what has happened to get us to that point. In the meantime, I have been researching more about the history of Dallas. It is set in Dallas and I thought it would be neat to incorporate certain historical elements since we are dealing with some very old vampires that have seen a bit of history in their day! I'm quite happy with the ending and now I'm kinda stuck on whether I would like to end it there on the cliffhanger or include an epilogue.

That's all I've got for now. I'll be sure to update next Sunday with info from the Drs appts!

Warm Fuzzies, Hugs, and Police Work,
Nessa

Quote of the Blog: “I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying.” -Oscar Wilde

Hmmm...

I have nothing to say...for once. But some quick updates, baby is cooking along and doing well! Next appt is at 12 weeks, it's a little nerve-wracking to have to wait 4 weeks instead of 2 to see my baby again, but I'm sure it will be fine. I'll probably be nervous about my pregnancy until I get to hold my happy healthy baby in September! Umm...still haven't written in my book. I know! I know! I suck! I'm taking my laptop with me to work. I've heard that you need to write a little everyday even if you can only get out a sentence! I will make it a point to do so everyday. I am going to start taking classes again. I have decided to hang up the idea of nursing school and go for my dream of being a veterinarian. Crazy, I know! But first and formost I have to get my bachelors! I think that's all I've got for now! Hopefully next time I'll have something more interested to talk about!
Warm fuzzies, hugs and police work,
Nessa!

“Blessed are they that have nothing to say, and who cannot be persuaded to say it." -James Russell Lowell

Worry often gives a small thing a big shadow...

Haven't posted in awhile, shame on me.



Well first off, one of my resolutions is well under way as I am as of today 4 weeks and 3 days pregnant! While I am excited beyond belief, I could not have imagined the profound and gripping fear associated with becoming pregnant again. As I told my therapist in session last week when she asked how I saw the world, I said it depends. On good day the world is a wonderful place to be, sunshine and roses. But on the bad days, danger lurks around every corner and even in the most innocent of places. Today was a dangerous day, every little twinge, cramp, and nauseated moment was analyzed to death! I can't imagine feeling like this for the next 9 months but at the same time I think that's what comes with having had a pregnancy loss especially on your first pregnancy. It just the feeling that comes with a territory when you don't know if the last one was a fluke or if you are just never going to be able to carry to term. I really thought I was prepared for the nerves but I couldn't have ever imagined this!

Moving forward, I have decided that perhaps if I stopped lurking on TheBump.com message boards and spent more time working on my novel it might give me something to do that could take my mind off of my irrational fears. Haven't worked on it since my last blog, in fact I haven't really thought about it since then because I've been preoccupied with the baby that I'm growing (yes since Jan. 6th! I knew when it happened that it worked!). So for right now I need to let go of the worry and fret over my baby and focus on my other "baby." I'm excited to really dig down deep and get into this story and make it great. The worries I have with this book though is that I want it to be different...but in this day and age, how different can a vampire love story be? They are literally a dime a dozen right now and I feel like I need to set mine apart for it to be great. Since I almost don't really feel like I can make mine that much different and keep the story and ideas that I love, I think the best thing I can do is too make the writing awesome, the story suspenseful, and give my readers an ending that will leave them speechless! I want jaws dropped on the last line of my book, cliffhanger baby! Then a tiny but annoying voice in the back of my head screams, "This book is for you! Why do you feel the need to pander? Why should you change your ideas or at the very least let them be shaped by what is marketable?" Maybe this distraction will just give me something else to worry and fret over instead of a release. Then again maybe it's better to worry and fret over and inanimate object or set of ideas really than to constantly think that some awful horrible fate is about to befall me and my child!

Until next time, focusing on deep breathing, careful meditation, and positive thinking!

Quote of the Blog: “When I look back on all these worries, I remember the story of the old man who said on his deathbed that he had had a lot of trouble in his life, most of which had never happened”-Winston Churchill

Can't get motivated!

I'm on my laptop writing. Writing on my book maybe? Nope on my blog. That's right, I'm writing my blog today about how I can't think of anything to write. It's a conundrum.
Writing is not my also obviously not my strong suit today as I wrote a post on a board I follow on TheBump.com that totally blew up in my face.
I talked to Dejanae a couple days ago and she helped me come up with my ending so that's good! This idea is that if I have a solid understanding of how the story ends, I'll be able to shape the story accordingly. The ending is done and it got the creative juices flowing until Chris started giving me other personality quirks that I will have to develop in the two main characters. The process is so frustrating and nerve-racking but at the same time it is so fulfilling. Even when I read back on the crappy parts that I've written, I feel proud that I have done it!
A writer that I like posted on her website some advice to new writers. She actually suggested having an outline for the story that constantly changes as the story changes and goes in new directions. I keep thinking about making an outline but it seems like a lot of extra work where you could just go with the flow.
Guess I need to get back to the grind! Thanks for listening!

Quote of the Blog: "What's all this stuff about motivation? I say, if you need motivation, you probably need more than motivation. You probably need chemical intervention or brain surgery. Actually, if you ask me, this country could do with a little less motivation. The people who are causing all the trouble seem highly motivated to me." - The Late Great George Carlin

VaneLeigh Going...

Well it's a new year and frankly I'm glad to see the old one gone! 2009 sucked and I'm hoping that things look up for me in 2010! I've started off the year with a new (old) resolution to save money and lose weight (get healthy) and also to have a baby this year!

Day 1: Have made healthy lunch and dinner to take to work with me. That's right...2 birds 1 stone! Not a bad way to start off the year! Went for a walk/run with my dog Coie (see picture), that's like double points in the "Get Healthy" column! Must work on the baby thing...haven't done that since last year, hahahaha (the joke isn't lame, you are)!

Not a resolution per se but I'm also determined to finish my first novel this year, I'd say right now it's about a 1/4 done. I'm not looking to have it published and become a rich and famous writer (although if that were to happen...JACKPOT!) but I would like the ability to say I have done it and have it for me.

This is the year so far and it's looking good!

Hugs and police work,

VaneLeigh

Quote of the Blog: "There are known knowns. These are things we know that we know. There are known unkowns. That is to say, there are things we know we don't know. But, there are also unknown unknowns. These are things we don't know we don't know." - Donald Rumsfeld